The best CEOs command respect with a potent mix of confidence, urgency, and proactive conviction. However, an excessively forceful approach or lack of awareness can damage collaboration and morale. Great leaders recognize that aggressiveness in pursuit of progress must always be tempered with empathy, careful word choice, and consideration for the impact their communication has on the team.
Here's a closer look at the nuance:
- Passion vs. Bullying: Passion fuels drive, but bullying crushes it. Leaders must distinguish between motivating forcefulness and intimidating behavior.
- Focus on Action, Not Ego: Aggressiveness becomes unproductive when the motivation shifts from the goal to asserting personal dominance.
- Directness Without Disrespect: Expressing needs and making firm decisions can be both clear and respectful of different opinions.
- Urgency vs. Panic: Creating a sense of urgency to avoid missed opportunities is different from inducing panic and rash choices.
- Owning Mistakes Without Losing Authority: Acknowledging when your initial stand misjudged a situation actually builds trust and respect.
Typical Signs of Misapplied Assertiveness
- The Humiliator: Deriding team members for errors in public settings, berating people who challenge ideas, or name-calling.
- Always Raising the Stakes: Unnecessarily turning simple debates into "battles" of will, where there must be a "loser" to show dominance.
- Interrupting and Dismissive: Regularly cuts off team members, rolls eyes at input, or shows physical signs of impatience during conversation.
- Blaming Instead of Seeking Solutions: Focus is on berating individuals, not examining what systems or decisions led to the failures.
- Taking, Not Giving Credit: Claiming sole credit for team wins, failing to acknowledge and praise contributors for good work.
Five Indicators of Healthy, Respectful Assertiveness
- Clarity in Communication: Direct language outlining expectations and reasons behind decisions, leaving little room for confusion.
- Feedback in Balance: Constructive criticism privately delivered focuses on solutions. Public praise outweighs any required reprimands.
- Active Listening: Despite forceful opinions, genuinely considers input from others and is willing to be openly persuaded.
- Accountability Without Ego: Takes responsibility when initiatives fail, examining systems and decisions without shifting all blame.
- Shares in the "Glory: Celebrates the wins of others, makes a deliberate effort to highlight positive contributions from individuals throughout the team.
Five Strategies to Practice This Balance
- Seek Feedback: Set up channels (even anonymous) for regular team feedback on communications style and impact.
- Immediate Action: Have a trusted HR resource develop a short leadership style feedback survey, specifically about how "forthrightness" is being received.
- Mastering Tone: Practice modulating tone of voice and word choice when giving directives or challenging a stance.
- Immediate Action: Role-play different delivery methods for one firm directive. Ask another for feedback on emotional cues you might be conveying.
- Listen First, Respond Second: Take a moment to consider others' viewpoints fully before crafting a passionate reaction.
- Immediate Action: Before jumping into a debate, summarize briefly what you understand the other's main point to be. This shows engagement.
- The Power of "And": When giving critique, instead of "but," shift to "and," allowing positive and negative to coexist. (Ex: "This is great, and to make it stronger...")
- Immediate Action: Choose one piece of written feedback on work and re-phrase it using this technique to see the change in impact.
- Recognize Others Deliberately: Take specific note of individual achievements to then be recognized, either privately or in team settings. Show this matters.
- Immediate Action: Keep a note on your phone, one positive act someone did that week. Next meeting, thank them genuinely and briefly state why.